Tips for Mettā Meditation and the Heart of Mettā

Tips for Mettā Meditation

If mettā (loving-kindness) has not arisen, you cannot spread it to others. You must first make mettā arise. First make the mind calm and cool. Let the mind be soft, like the full moon; let it be peaceful, cool and steady, with no hurry.

Once mettā has arisen, then follow the order of spreading, the order of reciting. First manage to love yourself, taking yourself as the witness. Love with true mettā, not with taṇhā (craving).

Train in mettā until it becomes part of your very being, full of strength, until it flows out naturally, with softness and gentleness in body, speech and mind.

True mettā guards against other defilements such as taṇhā and rāga (lust), guards against false mettā, and guards against dosa (aversion), its far enemy. The mind will be clear and clean, soft and gentle, like the full moon.

If you can truly do this, then whether in your words or in your actions, mettā takes a part in how you live. Standing, walking, sitting, lying down, in every posture, mettā is the driving force.

A person who reaches a mind of mettā succeeds in whatever they hope for. After mettā, developing insight knowledge (vipassanā-ñāṇa) is not hard at all.

We cannot spread mettā to the dead, because that person has already died, so there is no longer a stream of life, in the role they once had as father, mother or grandparent, to receive the mettā.

With no stream of life to receive it, the mettā sent out is dry and barren, and cannot bring about absorption (appanā-jhāna).

Mettā meditation can grow into absorption only when it is spread to beings who can receive the mettā.

Dedicating Merit Is Not Mettā Meditation

When we practice giving, virtue and meditation (dāna, sīla, bhāvanā), and that giving, virtue and meditation have arisen in us, we then dedicate them, saying: “May this share of merit reach all my relatives.” This is called “giving a share of merit”, or dedicating merit. It is not called mettā.

We can give a share of merit to those who have passed away and to those still alive. When beings who know or see what we have done set their minds on rejoicing in it, this is called pattānumodanā (rejoicing in shared merit). Dedicating merit requires first making wholesome deeds (kusala) arise. Our merit does not vanish anywhere; it is a mental matter that we have brought into being.

Mettā meditation does not require material things, but it does require a stream of life to receive the mettā.

In Mettā Meditation, Understand the Pali

• Sabbe: all
• Sattā: beings
• Sabbe sattā: all beings
• Averā: a + vera
  Vera means enmity. Killing one another is called harboring enmity; stealing and sexual misconduct are all enmity too.
  A means not.
  Averā means: have no enmity toward one another.
• Hontu: may they be
• Averā hontu: be happy, have no enmity toward one another
• Byāpajjhā: anger and resentment, a name for dosa; bitter resentment, a grudge
• Abyāpajjhā hontu: be happy, do not be angry with one another
• Nīghā: suffering
• Anīghā hontu: be happy, be free from suffering
• Sukhī: sukha means happiness, + ī means having
  Sukhī means: be happy
• Attānaṃ: oneself
• Pariharantu: may they keep, protect
• Attānaṃ pariharantu: may they keep themselves (safe from danger)

Sabbe sattā
averā hontu, abyāpajjhā hontu,
anīghā hontu, sukhī attānaṃ pariharantu.

May all beings be free from enmity, free from ill will, free from suffering, and may they be happy and keep themselves safe.

In truth, mettā can be spread very widely, both to particular beings and to all without distinction. Mettā spreads in every direction: north, south, east, west, the directions in between, above and below, all of them.

While spreading mettā, our mind must aim mainly at goodwill. All beings are only the background, only what we bring to mind; the main aim must be goodwill. It is not aimed mainly at persons, but mainly at the mind of mettā.

Mettā Has Adosa, Non-Anger, as Its Essence

Adosa can be khanti (patience) and it can be mettā. For example, while sitting, you may put on a show of sitting neatly and quietly, not talking, yet your heart is suffering, upset and restless. Even if you show no reaction, that is not called khanti. Khanti must accept things with wisdom, knowing and understanding them, and must be able to set the right inner attitude.

The Heart of Mettā Has Two Aspects

1. Aim your mettā so it truly reaches that person, feeling that the person is smiling right in front of you. For example, when spreading mettā to your father and mother, feel that they are truly receiving your mettā; or when spreading mettā to all beings, feel that your mettā truly reaches them.
2. You must feel softness and gentleness in your heart. Mettā is samatha (calm), the peace of the mind, the foundation for going on to vipassanā (insight). If we do not yet feel the softness, it is only a recitation (parikamma). Without sincere goodwill, mettā cannot truly arise.

While cultivating mettā, if dejection and discouragement come in, the mind will not be truly soft. You must clear away the dejection and discouragement, so that softness and gentleness arise in the heart, deeply moved, with happiness in the heart.

Once the practitioner can feel this softness, they will smile a little, and gladness (pāmojja), rapture (pīti), calm and happiness will arise. They feel their heart swell with rapture and see their own heart like a flower in bloom. Some feel as if flowers are all around them.

If You Spread Mettā to Yourself and Feel No Joy or Delight, What Should You Do?

Resolve in your mind: “I will train until a mind of mettā arises.” Shape the mind so that mettā arises. If a mind of mettā does not arise, make the mind concentrated; for instance, you might first recollect the qualities of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Saṅgha (the community of monks).

Once the mind is concentrated, recollect your own virtue: for instance, “I am a lovable person, a good person.” What goodness can you recall that makes you feel good about yourself? When you see the goodness that has arisen in you and find your own strong points, only then can you truly love yourself.

Find your own strong points; only then can you truly love yourself.
Set your intention: I will make wholesome goodness arise in this stream of life,
I will develop goodness further and further,
I will bring forth faith, effort and mindfulness, steady concentration and the arising of wisdom.

How to train: stand, walk, sit and lie down with a mind of mettā. Do every activity with a mind of mettā.

When you are about to speak, stay silent first and make a mind of mettā arise. Only when mettā has arisen, then speak, spreading mettā outward.

When you are about to walk, if mettā has not yet arisen, stop first until you have made a mind of mettā arise, until real tender care arises. Then walk, with mettā, love and goodwill.

Make a mind of mettā arise first, then lie down with mettā. Do this in every activity. If you slip out of mettā, set it up again. If you are not yet skilled, use a recitation (parikamma) to lead the way, reciting: “happy in body, happy in mind, safe”.

May I be happy in body, happy in mind, safe,
my mind soft, gentle and strong; breathing in… breathing out,
taking in good air, good quality, good health… into this stream of life.

May I be safe from the defilements within,
the dangers within, the enemies within; safe from lust, aversion and delusion (rāga, dosa, moha),
from misconduct of body, speech and mind, from evil, unwholesome kamma,
safe from dangers without.

In every place, at all times,
may I be happy in body, happy in mind, safe…

Making a mind of mettā arise must be done in every moment:
bathing, brushing your teeth, eating,
standing, walking, sitting, lying down, waking, sleeping, speaking, keeping silent,
going forward, going back, looking ahead, looking around, bending, stretching,
eating, drinking, chewing, tasting, passing stool and urine.

Not only while reciting, sitting in meditation or doing walking meditation, but in every activity of life: mettā must enter your daily life.

When you make the mind gentler, your actions and words will carry mettā automatically. Goodwill will grow, and you will be dearer to others than before.

The Visuddhimagga (The Path of Purification)

In walking meditation
Lifting the foot, use the word “joyful”.
Moving the foot forward, use the word “happy”.
As the foot touches the ground, use the word “free from suffering”.

Breathing in
Breathing out: “joyful”.
Breathing in: “happy”.
Breathing out: “free from suffering”.

The Karaṇīya Mettā Sutta

Sukhino vā khemino hontu,
sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā.
May all beings be happy in body, happy in mind and safe.

Joyful, happy, free from suffering;
happy in body, happy in mind, safe.

We look at things through our feelings and cling with taṇhā, wanting to get and wanting things to be a certain way: wanting to get (taṇhā), wanting to be big (māna, conceit), a narrow mind (diṭṭhi, views). We do not see this world as beautiful, as something lovely; we do not see beings as lovable, because a mind of mettā has not yet arisen.

This stream of life is called the “body-machine” (sarīrayanta). Its drivers are taṇhā, māna and diṭṭhi, or greed, aversion and delusion (lobha, dosa, moha): wanting to get, wanting to be big, a narrow mind. They have driven this stream of life until it has completely broken down.

Enough. Stop now.

Switch to mindfulness, wisdom and creative effort, and bring mettā out. Change the world, change your life, change your outlook and attitude now. Too long already with bad feelings, with suffering, liking and disliking. It is time to enter a true mind of mettā.

We wish for a mind of mettā as the proximate cause (padaṭṭhāna) for firmness in wholesome states and steadiness of mind to arise…

If we make a mind of mettā arise, which is non-anger, it makes the mind full, firm and strong, and it is khanti as well, a state in which adosa (non-aversion) leads. Once the mind is strong and firm, whatever you meet, you will be steady in mind, with a mind that has strength…

You sleep happily, wake happily and have no bad dreams…
You are dear to humans and dear to non-humans, and devas protect you.
Fire, weapons, poison and serious illness do not come near you.
Your mind is easily concentrated and your complexion is bright.
You die unconfused, and a good destination awaits you.

May you all be happy in body, happy in mind and safe.
May you all grow in sīla, samādhi and paññā (virtue, concentration and wisdom).
May you all quickly clear away lust, aversion and delusion.
May you all follow the path of the Victor, the Buddha, and swiftly reach anupādā-parinibbāna, the end of defilements and of the whole mass of suffering.

I will set a mind of mettā toward everyone, wherever I meet them, in whatever place or direction, in whatever form of life. When I meet them, may a mind of mettā arise continuously and unbroken. May I never harm these beings again, in every place, at all times. Wherever I go, even if this person comes to harm or oppress me, I will not let anger arise; I will keep a mind of mettā continuous and unbroken, always, now and forever.

Attend to it like this, and the mind of mettā will have power.
Dare to think like this, and true mettā can arise.
There will be no conditions on your cultivation of mettā;
even your enemies you will be able to love.

Spreading Mettā to the Saṅgha Everywhere

May the Saṅgha everywhere be happy.
May the Saṅgha everywhere have no enmity toward one another.
May the Saṅgha everywhere have no thought of ill will.
May the Saṅgha everywhere be free from suffering of body and mind.
May the Saṅgha everywhere be happy and keep themselves safe from all dangers.

Great wholesome power arises. Keep doing it continuously and unbroken, and the power of mettā will become immense. The merit that reflects back will be vast beyond measure.

When we spread mettā to people of great virtue,
great wholesome power arises.

The Brahmavihāras (Sublime Abodes)

The Great Brahmā scatters drops of water from the sky,
refreshing and reviving life throughout the world;
rain like mettā pours onto the field of the heart,
and the weary host of beings revives, restored.

His four faces, lovely in their conduct,
the merit of the Dhamma’s power, radiant and pure:
mettā, a compassionate mind, steadfast muditā (sympathetic joy),
and with upekkhā (equanimity) too, one becomes a Brahmā…